Patience and Sacrifice

To me, patience and sacrifice definitely completes one another. You cant sacrifice without being patient. And being patient means you have to sacrifice something. Thats a philosophy I came out from myself. This directly refers to your relationship with people. People you love and cherish. That can be your family, friends, relatives and such. The question is, why would you do such a thing? Why would you bother doing something for the people you love, being patient with whatever situation you face? While in the end, all you get is just nothing.

Nothing. In the end, you only wanted them to be happy. You wanted to become to a good person, a good memory for them remember. Without realizing it, you only cared too much. Did you know that caring too much is another form of weakness? When you yourself see it as a virtuous value, but the reality is making yourself look stupid. Caring too much for something or someone but their eyes are just not visible, or their hearts were blind.

Its like you always feel that people are indebted to you and you expect them to at least appreciate your presence. Is is that hard? But somehow they just don't know and I think that will not change. Its okay, I should really get used to everything. People come and go. They come and go.

Why is this happening again, I just don't know. Perhaps my presence in everyone's lives is just advantageous temporarily. Perhaps I'm just another fragment of your memory that someday it might just fade. In simpler words, find me when you're in trouble and abandoned me when your standard of life is better than before. It hurts so much that the only thing I can do to stop this over-thinking is by writing this bottled-up feeling down. I'm all back to myself. Reflecting back, when you sacrifice for something, never expect anything in return. Never ever. Because when you do, it wont happen. It shows your sincerity in sacrificing. Be patient and maybe looking on the bright side of it, even if its small as an atom.

Being a Muslim, you know that it can help you in Hereafter. Just keep on collecting good deeds until comes the time where we are not allowed to do so anymore. I keep praying that Allah will soften this cold and hardened heart of mine, who has just suffered another set of disappointment from His human being(s). I plead for this heart to opened up widely to forgiveness and just let the past go. Ya Allah please grant my du'a. I know being avengeful does make myself a better person. I know with every bad chapters of our lives, comes another good chapter consecutively, lets hope so. I should stop putting up high hopes on the people who made my lives cherishing in all sorts of way, because lets face it, their presence is maybe just temporary. These people just come and go. They are just another part of our chapter. They were not born into this world to please you, impress you, appease you, if you;'re that desperate better just live in your own fantasy land. When we move on to another one, we'll meet more new people and it goes on and on. Another question, who might just stay? Who are those unlucky earthlings who chose to stay and remain in my book of life forever?

I just dont know anymore, because everyone seems to leave you. Or its either you leaving them. And when they come back, hoping for those old times, I just dont think it could happen no more. You see how this useful and beating piece of flesh is? Its evil, cold, hardened... so evil. I need your du'a to face this unwanted, trashy feeling.  I miss kak mel and lia.